You know, when I was eighteen, I used to reference that Alice Cooper song that was under the same name all the time. I’m eighteen and I don’t know what I want. That was exactly my case. Well sort of. When I was eighteen, I found something that I wanted to do because I thought it was realistic and people would actually respect me for it: A Music Teacher. Now disclaimer: I’m not bashing the music education business at all by any means, but I have discovered that department is not for me.
When I was a senior in High School, my music teacher who I’ve mentioned in one of my previous blogs, Madeline Mollinedo, was the biggest inspiration to me. I looked at her as a role model to me. Now keep in mind, I don’t usually make people I personally know my role model, but there was something about Ms.M that really appealed to me. I guess it was her grit. As I have stated before, she was like my second mother. School is not meant to become friends with your teachers but at the end of the day, I consider Ms.M one of my best friends because she’s been real with me since day one ever since I joined Jazz Band for her and I’ve been real with her. So that’s what made me want to be like her. It didn’t help when her awesome Student Teacher Mr.Mendoza came along and showed me that a hip young metalhead can be a teacher while staying themselves.
With all the positive things I just mentioned, you’d think that I’d be working just as hard as them to get what they do. I tried. I really really did. But upon my experience and journey onto it, I realized that this isn’t really what I wanted. I don’t want to give any negative connotation as to what I’m saying right now, but I’ve pretty much brainwashed myself into thinking about what I really wanted. I chose Music Ed because it seemed the most realistic to people and everyone else. What I mean by that is that I felt like I was doing it for others rather than myself. Within the experience I realized I was killing my heart and my spirit. Again, I don’t want to give any negative connotation to becoming a Music Ed major because I’m stating that it was not the major for me after all.
So this still begs the question what do I want to do? The real answer is I discovered this in 8th grade. But people kept dropping the reality ball on me. Telling me I couldn’t do it because it’s just silly and it will just ruin my reputation. I want to become a music producer and produce my own music projects. I’ve always wanted to learn how to produce my own music and that’s what I’m going to do. One particular is a rap project that I used to talk about since 8th grade as a joke. But I now realized that I was actually being serious about it the whole time. It’s amazing how 5 years later I did keep it into consideration this whole time.
Once again, I’ve prepared to have the reality balls be thrown at me by people telling me that it’s not possible for me to do so. But I’m okay with that. There will always be people who are against your decisions and you have to learn to embrace that because you can’t make people change what they think so the same goes for me. I’m going to do everything I can in my power to get about where I need to be.